I'm having trouble thinking of new taglines. "Poking Badgers Is Not Only Accepted, It's Encouraged!" "STD Free Since In 4-6 Weeks!" "Ha! Now we're lovers! Suck Me, Beautiful!" Actually, it's interesting that I can write so much in this space. Just how much space is xanga willing to afford me? Oh Xanga shall rue the day that they let me type a lot for my tagline! By the way, if we ever meet, if you can recite this tagline perfectly, I promise a minimum of three orgasms and a free dinner.
"I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if a nerd tried a pick-up line and was suddenly silenced."
"I find your lack of game... disturbing, nerd."
"You are part of the rebel alliance, a traitor, and a nerd. Take them away!"
"Do... or do not. Or in this case, can't, you nerd"
"You should have had a bad feeling about this, nerd."
"You stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerd hearder!" (If they say, "Who's scruffy looking?" you have to go home with them that night, no matter what.)
I am fighting a bit of a cold, which I hope to have cleared by Friday. But Berto, you say, you're on summer vacation you BASTARD. Why does it matter that you get better by Friday? Well, I reply with barely disguised disdain and desire to be loved, because on Friday I take my first of four flights for the summer. Berto, you say, you alliterate too much. Then we fall into a sweaty and desperate embrace and a good 1 and a half minutes later I am satisfied and you are convincing yourself that you are too.
Anyways, I'm going to New York, to visit with friends. This part is important because we get to stay with them, thereby saving a ton of money on lodgings. I'm a bit nervous about being a bother, but I'm sure it will work out. We're going to be sticking around Brooklyn, and exploring that area a bit. I like New York, but I prefer Seattle for it's smaller size and bigger sky. It's a good place to visit, but I think I may be west side fo life. Word.
Berto, you interrupt and necessitate a new paragraph, what are you doing with yourself these days? Well that's an excellent question. I spend most of my time doing very little and loving it. Even as I type this, I scour my ipod to rid it of single tracks in order to make space for more single tracks. This is the most ambitious project I've undertook since the great Library Walk of a couple weeks ago, surpassing even the Keep Basic Hygine program I had to start. I've also been watching Deadwood all the way through, and have decided that it is my favorite TV show of all time, even more so than The Wire (though the fourth season of the wire may be my favorite single season of any TV show. I'm going to watch it again in a couple weeks, so I'll have to make that judgment then).
oh and i have friends now which is good because i missed having those so now it is better and i like it here more bye
There once was a man terrified of death.Upon giving it great thought, he decided that this fear was based on the idea that you only die once.So, with great resolve, he decided to die each night instead of going to sleep.
He succeeded.Each night, instead of sleeping, he died.No breath passed his lips and no blood pushed through his veins.He found it easy to die when he knew the next night he would die again, and the next night yet again.
Several of his acquaintances learned of this practice by the practiced himself.They laughed and thought it a ruse.The man, in a languid fashion, described to the men the act of dying, and in their uncomfort with death, they became angry.
“You are most certainly not the clever trickster you believe yourself to be,” they stated.
“Come tonight then,” he replied, “and witness me die.”
So one night, one of them, Tom, stood fast in the man’s house and watched him die.As the man lay unmoving, Tom went up to feel his breath. None passed. Then he felt his heart. No blood was pushed. And so Tom fled the house, convinced that death had come at the most inopportune time.
The next morning the man met several of his acquaintances , whereupon Tom turned white as a ghost and had to be lowered to the ground.“You – you were dead!” he exclaimed.The man simply smiled, and explained that he died every night, and it was nothing to be afraid of. The men, all of whom were afraid of death, walked away from their friend mistrustful and a bit frightened.
That night, each man lay in his bed, and thought about dying.“No,” they said to themselves, “I am not ready to die.When the time comes I will be ready, but that is not tonight.”The man, however, died again that night, as he did until he died a final time.
By then, the whole town knew of his habit of dying and had accepted it. They found their sadness for his final death to be a peaceful, sweet feeling, instead of a bitter, cruel sadness which most of us often feel at the deaths of others.
None other followed the man's example except me, and so tonight I die with the ease of sleep. I will wake tomorrow until I do not, and I do not fear not waking. Impossibly, it it has become easier for me to die frequently, than to worry about dying once.
I am… nothing, if not some man.But what man can I be?I have already been a pirate, a waiter, a knight…I have worn so many faces.Those who have seen me have seen more than a man, yet less.Is my fate to move as a chameleon or to drift through life a ghost?These are my only options, and as they are my only options, each change of skin and loss of skin solidity leaves me less and less a man… just a free credit report guy.
I… I used to be married.I used to have a love.Yes I remember now.She loved me and I loved her, but why… I can barely remember her leaving.She walked up the basement steps, still holding the quickly cooling laundry, and she never returned.Her parents, the sweet, sweet Silvermans, had to come down and inform me I was not welcome.Oh how the tears shone in their eyes!To know the shame of a daughter with a credit report lacking in substance!
God, the haze.The never-ending haze of life that proceeded that day!I can barely remember the jobs, the drugs and the quick bathroom sex with patrons and co-workers.Were there only a device which could blow away this cured fog that permeates my long suffering head!God, why must you toy with me this way!?In my brain there is less a storm of electricity than a slow roll of moisture.
I may have fathered a child or two.I know the wonders of credit protection but lack in the basic knowledge of genital protection I know nothing!NOTHING!Of this subject I know nothinng but there is one that everyone shall know and that is that no son or daughter sprung from my sorry loins shall ever have a bad credit score for that is the beating of the bat’s wings, the gnashing of the shark’s tooth, and the cackle of the devil that haunts my very dreaaaaams!
And now I go.To death?No.To replace the macaroni and cheese.A job fit… for me… a credit report… guy.
