I am… nothing, if not some man.But what man can I be?I have already been a pirate, a waiter, a knight…I have worn so many faces.Those who have seen me have seen more than a man, yet less.Is my fate to move as a chameleon or to drift through life a ghost?These are my only options, and as they are my only options, each change of skin and loss of skin solidity leaves me less and less a man… just a free credit report guy.
I… I used to be married.I used to have a love.Yes I remember now.She loved me and I loved her, but why… I can barely remember her leaving.She walked up the basement steps, still holding the quickly cooling laundry, and she never returned.Her parents, the sweet, sweet Silvermans, had to come down and inform me I was not welcome.Oh how the tears shone in their eyes!To know the shame of a daughter with a credit report lacking in substance!
God, the haze.The never-ending haze of life that proceeded that day!I can barely remember the jobs, the drugs and the quick bathroom sex with patrons and co-workers.Were there only a device which could blow away this cured fog that permeates my long suffering head!God, why must you toy with me this way!?In my brain there is less a storm of electricity than a slow roll of moisture.
I may have fathered a child or two.I know the wonders of credit protection but lack in the basic knowledge of genital protection I know nothing!NOTHING!Of this subject I know nothinng but there is one that everyone shall know and that is that no son or daughter sprung from my sorry loins shall ever have a bad credit score for that is the beating of the bat’s wings, the gnashing of the shark’s tooth, and the cackle of the devil that haunts my very dreaaaaams!
And now I go.To death?No.To replace the macaroni and cheese.A job fit… for me… a credit report… guy.
